avenue313.org

It’s been a while. I’m a bad blogger.

So the birthday celebration went well. Rough ending, rougher day after. I drank 10 drinks in 3 hours (of which I am the proud), ate some street meat (best gyro ever, best gyro guys ever!), pissed my brother off in a supermarket (his girlfriend and I tag teamed him, it was great), and fell asleep sitting up. And I’m too old for that, boys and girls. My neck hurt into Sunday. It was one of those open your eyes at 9am wondering when you actually went from awake to unconscious kinda nights. Fun was had by all.

In class, my favorite professor, the one that’s teaching my thesis project class of doom had emergancy surgery and is now not teaching the class. No good. I’m about a month behind in writing, but the reading is the harder part,and that’s what I’ve been doing. So I’m not too worried. I got to pick out my schedule for the last two classes I need to take. Graduation is in sight.

I’m in debate about NaNoWriMo this year because of the thesis. I think if I’m good I can do both. But I’m not a good girl. I’ll give it a shot anyway. The most I’ve ever gotten up to is 25k, and then the story ran out of steam. I’m deciding between two plots, but I think I’ll do good this year, if I budget my time….I shouldn’t even sign up. But I already have. Oops.

I have totally become addicated to Metalocalypse, btw. I bought the season one DVDs and now I’m writing fanfic! And I added a For You section, mostly because I made icons for the show and wanted to dump them here too.

I even made:

Yes, that is the fanlisting for the members of Dethklok. Yes, I am a dork. But I’m in loves!

Fixed the sidebar, figured out how to move the WP credit over. And I added all the domain’s subdomains. Mostly fanlistings!

I liked the other layout and all, but I got bored. So a new layout has arrived. I can’t resist the power of Cillian Murphy when it comes to layouts. I’m starting to get a handle on making layouts in WP, though I kinda hate it. If you notice any problems, feel free to comment here and let me know! the only thign I can’t figure out at the moment is the Powered by Word Pres thing is like, in the way and I can’t figure out how to move it over. Such is life…

In other news, the new job is going well. A little crazy, but this is to be expected in my profession. All of us are a little not right, myself included. I’m not looking forward to doing storytime, though. But I figure if I only dread 1 hour of work in a 40 hour work week, that’s not a bad ratio. 39:1, I’ll take it!

Of course, though, I go to a full time job right as I’m starting the hardest class in the program: Research and Bibliographic Methods, aka: a 100+ page research paper. I’m doing content analysis, where you look at the content of a set of books. Fifty of them. So I’ll be reading 50 young adult novels in less than two months. I’m insanely stressed about this, but I can only do my best, ya know?

I’m turning 26 in one month. I don’t know how I feel about this. I think I’m might cry. I’m still mid twenties, but for a last year. And I’m closer to 30 than 20. I’m single, still in school, and living at home. Not quite were I saw myself at 26. But I never thought I’d be strong enough to get a masters either. And I’m working on that. And I love my job. I’ve made the right choices for me, things are just moving a lot slower than I expected. Not a problem. Once this semester is over, I can get my life on track now that I’ll actually have cash in my pocket. In a few weeks, I won’t be choosing between getting my car inspected or getting gas in it — I’ll be able to afford both. In a few months, I’ll have the time to meet up with all those friends I’ve been neglecting.

I just have to get through two months of insanity, of working 6 days a week every other week (long story). It can and will be done…I don’t have a choice.

It’s been a crazy few weeks. Exghuasting, even. Last Friday, I went to a job interview. I was out by 10, they called at 12 for references, and by 3 i had the job. But that meant I had to quit my other part time job that I adore, since this one is full time. AS it turned out, I’ve now been aprooved to work 3.5 hours a week there, still, which is one shift. and it keeps me in contact with the place that I want to work full time at. There’s just not a full time spot there, yet. 

Anyway, I’m hoping this will mean I can get my act together a bit. I’ve been broke forever. Hopefully now I can help my parents out with bills and also save up enough to move out after i graduate from gradaute school this May. this is the plan. The last time I had a job that would allow me to save up for, someone hit me on the highway two days before and as a result I had to pay a 400 dollar a month car payment and car insurance, so I never got to save cash. Hopefully it doesn’t happen this time. I think I would cry hystericaly. 

In other news, my neice turned 16. It was an uber production. Black tie optional Venitan Costume Ball. Seriously. Cost me 200 for the outfit including mask, and another 200 for the present. Damn kid made over 1,700 in checks and stuff. I shoulda made her pay for my dress. 

So need to head to bed. I’m still kinda over the Metalocalypse season finale. I watch it when I can. I hope Ofdensen is okay! I just found out that Brendon Small, the guy that did Home Movies, one of my favorites on Adult Swim, is the voice of a lot of the characters, and the co-creator of Metalocalypse. Awesome. I dig that man’s sense of humor!

I’m finally done with all the fanlistings! here are the last of them:

	Vault Soda Food/Drink - Drink - Non-alcoholic
	The Wind That Shakes the Barley Movies
	Shelfari Websites - Communities/Games
	Poses Albums - Rufus Wainwright
	David Levithan Authors/Writers

too tired to add anything else tonight. It’s been a rough week.

I really am not that great of a blogger. I try, but I get distracted sometimes, or I want to wait until a certain point. For example, I was approved for several fanlistings (I don’t know what I was smoking applying for all of these at once), and I wanted to wait to update until they were all done, but even if I do one fanlisting a night, I wouldn’t update for almost another week. So I decided to post about the ones I have done. And post about the rest of my life at the same time.

Here they are:

	Hero by Perry Moore Literature
	Intermission Movies
	In Bruges Movies
	Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist by Rachel Cohn & David Levithan Literature
	Sunshine Movies
	On The Edge Movies
	The Odd Thomas Series of Books Literature

So I’ve been a busy girl. Other than that, not much going on. I just read my new favorite book of the summer, Saint Iggy by K. L. Going, who wrote Fat Kid Rules the World. It was the most painful, powerful book I read this summer. I actually finished it and had to take a few minutes to calm down. I don’t remember the last book that upset me so much. I’m one of those masochists that think a book/movie really did its job if you ache at the end. Saint Iggy sure as hell made me ache.

And total Olympic obsession going on. I just love watching people that worked day in and day out towards one goal obtaining that goal. I especially love it when they cry, when they show that raw emotion. I’ve never struggled like that with anything, never tired to be the best at anything, and I admire these people who can dedicate their whole lives to a sport they love. But watching Michael Phelps reminds me of the year the Yankees won like 100 games. You knew they were gonna kick ass in the World Series, but you had to watch it anyway. You almost feel bad for the other guys. When the US relay team is almost a half a pool length a head of the rest, it’s almost cruel.

Completely unrelated, some people are telling me they have to highlight the text to see it. I can’t figure out why this is. All my coding looks sound. I’m confused. I made this entry black on top of it, so I hope that fixes at least this one!

I need to go to bed. Squidbillys is on though, and that leads to weirder than normal dreams if I fall asleep to it. That’s where this entry’s title comes from.

Over the past few days I’ve been refining the site, and trying to make things much better. I figured out how to get the date off the pages (the template I had been using to make my layouts didn’t have a seperate page layout, so I had to make one), and added a slew of plugins. Like custom smilies ( ), the threader thing,though I don’t know if that notifies people if they get a comment back in the thread, comment plugger, and the LJ cross poster. I can’t figure out how to get the smilies over the comments page though, dunno why. So commenters can’t make smilies. Also, I changed the Fic page to Written so I could include my original stories.

This Monday, I went to a local water park with my friend for her birthday. It was all right, since it was a cloudy day and was suposed to thunder and lightening, but it never rained and the lines were so short. But I did something weird to my foot, and wound up in such bad pain by the end of the day, that I was actually sick to my stomach every time I stepped down. I’m overweight, and at times like that, I feel bigger. Like, OMG the fat girl hurt her foot, the cow wouldn’t have trouble if she wasn’t so big. Or, when I fell at a party last summer, I was so terrified I was the fat drunk girl that fell down in the stories later. The truth is, while I am out of shape, I am a spaz and just managed to twist it oddly getting out of a raft, and just missed a step on the deck at the party . For the record, I did join a gym. I just didn’t get to go this week because of the horrible pain for the rest of the week, after walking around on a foot that was probably sprained. I say probably becuase I have no health insurance and didn’t want to go to the doctor. I’m not horribly overweight either, but I need to lose some poundage. I’m close to 200 pounds. I don’t want to cross over that milestone. So I joined the gym.

I read Chuck Palahniuk’s new book, Snuff. It was not horrible, but not my favorite by him. It’s weird to go from the Young Adult books I read mostly to a book about a porn star trying to fuck 600 men on camera. I can say that I’ve ever been the type to watch porns (I’ll read porn fic, but not watch it…), but I don’t think I ever will now. Seriously all I’d be able to think about is what drugs the actresses are on, and how gross the human body is . Palahniuk’s always good for a reminder on that one.

It got me thinking about my sex drive, actually, so TMI WARNING. But really, I have not had sex in nearly 3 years, not since my ex boyfriend before the last one. And truthfully, I have a vibrator that I adore, but I probably only use the thing once or twice a month, if that. I do not think this is exactly normal. I say I’m pansexual more than anything, becuase what’s between the legs does not matter at all to me (as long as that shit is well taken care of!) but I have serious doubts about that. I think I’m asexual. I used to think it was because of the happy pills i took when I had health insurance, but it’s been over a year since I took any. Everyone says sex is great and all, but seriously, if I have to pick a favorite sensation, it’s probably a drug induced one. What does that say about me? Really. It’s not that I don’t like sex, I just don’t crave it like most people. But I write slash smut.

Every worse? When I have sex dreams, they’re masturbation dreams. It’s officially been so long since I got some, that even my subconscious has given up on getting some in my sleep!

As you can see there are a lot of changes. The only thing I was keeping up with for a long time was my list of books for the year. That’s changing. I need to blog more, it makes me happy!

First, I changed the layout. It’s kinda rainbow-throw-up-ey, and I love it! I wanted something with bright colors for a long time. it’s all just brushes. I’ve given up on editing images really well. It’s impossible to do with a shit mouse and an unsteady hand to begin with.

Second, I changed my name. Seriously. I don’t want people I work with/am close with to find my site. That’s why I wasn’t blogging, I was afraid to get caught writing fanfic or kink or something. So I picked a new name far from my real name: Mab. Long story, but basically it’s inspired by Mercutio’s Queen Mab speech. I think all writers, myself included, like to think of ourselves as purveyors of dreams.

Third, holy hell no wonder my eyes hurt all the time. I’ve read 65 books so far this year.

Fourth, there is no fourth! It’s nearly 5am and I need to get my ass in bed!

ATTN: if you are here from thefanlistings.org looking for a sample of my HTML, I applied, then put up a template here, so check out: happy.avenue313.org for a sample of my code writing. Sorry!

I am so bad at updating. I just don’t think my life is all that thrilling at the moment. I go to class, I work, and I come home. I guess I’m battling with some depression, since I can’t find myself wanting to go out anymore. I’ve always bordered on anti-socail, but this is pushing it. Today I made some moves, called a few friends, and I’m trying to get some things together for Friday.

My neice the 11 month old, was sick the weekend before last. Like, in the hospital, getting a spinal tap sick. Her blood sugar dropped so low she was basically unresponsive (even during the spinal tap). And near dead, really. But luckily, they got her there on time and she’s fine now. This is one of the reasons why I fear having children.

In other words, I have no money and a toothache so bad I was rocking and crying this morning from 630am until 730am. I used so much ambisol that it hurt my stomach. This is bad on so many levels. I have no dental insurance what so ever. The tooth that is hurting me is cracked, and I can’t afford a cap, considering it’s 1k or so, and again, i am the broke…Aspirin is my friend (as are my dad’s vicodens, now that he has them).

TMZ has learned actor Brad Renfro is dead… I think Brad is one of my first major celeb crushes, back when I saw The Cure. He was hot. And my age. Now he’s dead and I’m stupidly freaked out though I don’t know why exactly. I hate death. I mean, no one likes it, but if I think on it for too long, I go into a panic, and that’s never fun. Like, full out shaking/can’t breathe panic attack.

I may be a miserable person sometimes, but Dear God I like being alive, ya know? What else is there? I don’t want to find out yet. And the truth is, that unknown scares me.
The unknown always scares me, but death is the ultimate unknown, after all. No one comes back to tell you what happened. No one says ‘it’s okay, in the end, it’s not s bad, not being alive.’ No. People just disappear from your life — the universe — and that’s it.

It’s times like these I wish I could be religious. Then I’d have faith. I’d have an idea of where I’d go (probably hell). I’d have comfort at funerals, at moments like these when someone too young to deserve death is dead.

…

In completely other news, I saw Juno with a friend the other day. No movie has made me laugh so hard in a long time. And cry for a reason having nothign to do with the plot. My sister was pregnant at 16, and had a baby at 17. The scenes of Juno walking through the halls still pains me. I think of her and how much shame, how much pain she must have went through, making the brave choice to keep the baby (she did, the baby is now a 15 year old that’s in AP classes and probably the most self confident teen I know)…I’m actually getting choked up thinking about it.

that keeps happening to me. My eyes tearing up. I don’t know what to do anymore. Maybe I need back on the happy pills. The problem is I no longer have health insurance, thus no money for nut meds. Or any meds.

It’s almost 5am. I need to go to bed.

Yeah. I’ve converted to WordPress. I figured maybe if it was easier to update, I’d do it. We’ll see. A real update is coming eventually…